Nissan, Fix Your Sh*t!

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
12/07/2016 at 17:22 • Filed to: Rants

Almost done working in New Orleans and ready to head back to the US Southwest. Been in this Sentra since Friday, had a Versa Note before, was in a Maxima and a Murano weeks prior. All I can say is that there is no brand consistency at all! Nissan, you’re all over the map!! Are you quirky, boring, avant garde, by the book, fantasically eccentric, bombastically beige?

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO BE AND NEITHER DO YOU!!!

Maybe we do need a Nismo badge on comatose cars just to denote whether the things are going to be wildly boring or accidentally entertaining. Maxima and Murano feel fresh and swanky. On the flip side, Versa and Sentra come from the factory feeling as if they are on their 4th owner!

I never know if I’m getting a budget “premium” vehicle or a budget “economy” vehicle until I open the door! Even within the same model lineup the cars can go from feeling as if they were made from donated panels and parts to being thoughtfully designed by a room full of Christmas elves and people paid to design vehicles.

Nissan, are you the lowest price point brand in the US or are you the best near luxury value around? Are you all about fuel efficiency and being an appliance or performance and being the Penultimate Driving Machine? Is your styling quirky and futuristic or neutral and unoffensive?

Seriously Nissan, you are self contradictory at every level! Is that your thing, being the automotive equivalent of those old Starburst Contradiction Commercials?

I don’t care what you do, be Scotch Korean if you want! Just be consistent across your range. Have a brand, dammit!

*Reference

DISCUSSION (12)

Takuro Spirit > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 17:30

Nissan is like Kia and Hyundai merged and become somewhat a bit shittier.

E90M3 > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 17:31

Nissan, you’re all over the map!! Are you quirky, boring, avant garde, by the book, fantasically eccentric, bombastically beige?

Not they’re just shitty.

smobgirl > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 17:37

Random observation: the Versa is one of the shittiest vehicles I’ve driven, yet it seems to have no trouble whatsoever going around corners at speeds well over the posted safe speed where I would’ve had to brake in anything else. It’s bizarre - it’s not like, oh, you can avoid braking by driving skillfully, it’s like the car needs zero driver input and still feels completely in control. Downhill hairpin switchback, 15mph posted speed? Coffee cup in one hand and pop tart in the other? Just ride it out at 45, it’s all good.

Unfortunately it makes the car completely un-fun to drive on roads like that, but I was doing stuff expecting to get some sense of impending doom and just...nothing.

Wobbles the Mind > Takuro Spirit
12/07/2016 at 17:40

Nissan is in a fog of Hyundai-Kia and Dodgeness. I would say Nismo is as valuable as SRT in creating M/AMG levels of performance and badge value at stupid low prices. Same thing with loading cars up with features, focusing on design, and just being a value driven brand.

However, they also want to be in the same house as Toyota and Honda and both have opposite prioties! Nissan needs to pick one side or the other because Hyundai-Kia has been targeting Nissan and Infiniti specifically for the last 10 years and Nissan is about to get seriously burned if they don’t focus before Genesis becomes independent.

Wobbles the Mind > smobgirl
12/07/2016 at 17:46

I’m glad you said this because I noticed the same thing in the Versa I drove. I finally had the chance to toss the Sentra around and even though the tires have no forward grip I can toss the car into the corners without a squeak! But the steering wheel material feels so bad and the on center weight is so “meh” that I couldn’t even enjoy it. It’s as if the cars are neutral and want you to be too!

J. David Buerk > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 18:11

A STAR for you, for sharing one of my favorite commercials ever.

“I’M IN A BOX! OH I DIDN’T EVEN THINK; THERE’S A LID TO THE BOX!”

MLGCarGuy > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 18:43

Fun fact: my Versa Note had a loose piece of plastic in the footwell, a loose bumper clip, and a loose piece of foam in the engine compartment when it was new.

And this weekend I discovered a loose clip under the seat.

Pure quality, I tell you.

barnie > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 19:10

Why say Sh*t when “Nissan, Fix Your Stuff!” would be so much more easy to read? I see cuss words in the title and rarely click. This time, I’m just curious for a reasoned response.

Tristan > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 19:12

I rented a 2016 Sentra for 2 weeks earlier this year. My takeaways were: it was white, and the CVT was the worst CVT ever. Also, it had a button on the dash that turned on a little light on the gauge cluster that said “SPORT”. I couldn’t tell that it did anything else, though.

Wobbles the Mind > barnie
12/07/2016 at 19:18

That way people are aware that aggressive language is likely to be present in the main post. I’ll usually either title or open with a censored curse word so that people don’t click on “Nissan, Fix Your Stuff,” and are surprised by an uncensored curse word in the body.

This post actually had a lot of harsh language originally but I didn’t want to accidentally offend a Nissan owner when my issue is with the current failure of Nissan to find their branding.

Quadradeuce > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 20:06

This reminds me, I had a customer stop in today who was driving a 2005 Nissan murano. I mentioned that it still looked in new shape despite the chrome grill bubbling up. He just sighed and casualty mentioned that it’s on its second motor, with a tone in his voice that showed his wallet had done battle with this thing many times and lost. Personally, I’ve never met a happy Nissan owner.

barnie > Wobbles the Mind
12/07/2016 at 20:45

Ah. Old fart just learned something. Thanks.

The censoring of the word is actually the jarring part. Gotta think about this a bit. Adding the asterisks is the jarring part, more than the word.

But that begets the question of why so much crude language in the post. Cuss words seem to replace good descriptive verbiage(2) these days to get a rise (or a click...)